My Mum

...is very talented. I am stressed out, I dont have enough TIME, everything is difficult....and then this arrived. She doesn't know I am posting this but she won't mind. A pome about family by my mum. Posted by me because I love her.

FAMILY TREE.
Sometimes, in the small hours, when sleep’s eluding me
I lie awake and ponder upon my family tree,
It’s roots are lost in history – can’t tell where it began-
But it’s strange to think the whole darn mob started with just one man,
(Well – one man and one woman – it usually takes two
But men take all the credit for the hard work women do!).

I’m not sure of my origins – maybe in some dark cave
An ape man dressed in deerskin began to yearn and crave
For some gentle female company, so he went and searched around
‘Til his hard work repaid him when he eventually found
A grunting hairy woman with a bone stuck through her nose
And a necklace made of tiger’s teeth – her idea of clothes.

He knew she was the one for him, he went weak at the knees
As he watched her scratching furiously at her myriad lice and fleas,
But how could he express his love - he’d not invented words
And nobody had told him about the bees and birds?
So he took his club of seasoned oak and bopped her on the head
And she fell for him immediately – and they say romance is dead!

Whoever kicked the whole thing off we flourished and we grew,
Our tree put out new branches and a good few suckers too!
It stood through good and bad times, through thunderstorm and drought –
Today it’s old and creaky but still sturdy no doubt,
Just have a good close look at it – I’m sure you will agree
We’re the biggest bunch of oddballs you could ever hope to see.

No family is perfect, there’s a black sheep in each flock –
Like the uncle with long eyelashes who likes to wear a frock,
Or the crafty wheeler-dealer always out to make a quid,
And the teenager who runs amok and won’t do what he’s bid.
The daughter who’s gone to the bad and now sports a fur coat –
All the usual scandals that let the neighbours gloat.

Eccentric Great Aunt Ada who keeps moggies by the score –
Filling every nook and cranny ‘til the house can hold no more,
Or nephew Bert – a cheery soul – drinks everything in sight,
That skinflint Great Niece Freda – another kind of tight!
Our second cousin (twice removed) – quite the Lothario,
Bothering the ladies even when they tell him “NO!”

There’s dozens more – my relatives – and what a motley crew!
But I can’t help feeling fond of them no matter what they do,
I might find them barmy and think some of them stark mad –
But, seen from their perspective, I’m probably just as bad,
And wouldn’t life be boring – oh what a crying shame –
Without a single loony with whom to share a name?

I feared that I would miss them when I wed and changed my name,
But it soon became apparent that the new lot were the same!
They made me very welcome and I soon felt quite at home
Among this new found family as oddball as my own,
Thank goodness for eccentrics – it really seems to me
That everyone should have a few stuck up their family tree!


(The author apologises for any similarity between the fictional characters in this poem and any living person – it was completely unintentional (well, except for in a few obvious cases!).

Enjoy!