My Mum

...is very talented. I am stressed out, I dont have enough TIME, everything is difficult....and then this arrived. She doesn't know I am posting this but she won't mind. A pome about family by my mum. Posted by me because I love her.

FAMILY TREE.
Sometimes, in the small hours, when sleep’s eluding me
I lie awake and ponder upon my family tree,
It’s roots are lost in history – can’t tell where it began-
But it’s strange to think the whole darn mob started with just one man,
(Well – one man and one woman – it usually takes two
But men take all the credit for the hard work women do!).

I’m not sure of my origins – maybe in some dark cave
An ape man dressed in deerskin began to yearn and crave
For some gentle female company, so he went and searched around
‘Til his hard work repaid him when he eventually found
A grunting hairy woman with a bone stuck through her nose
And a necklace made of tiger’s teeth – her idea of clothes.

He knew she was the one for him, he went weak at the knees
As he watched her scratching furiously at her myriad lice and fleas,
But how could he express his love - he’d not invented words
And nobody had told him about the bees and birds?
So he took his club of seasoned oak and bopped her on the head
And she fell for him immediately – and they say romance is dead!

Whoever kicked the whole thing off we flourished and we grew,
Our tree put out new branches and a good few suckers too!
It stood through good and bad times, through thunderstorm and drought –
Today it’s old and creaky but still sturdy no doubt,
Just have a good close look at it – I’m sure you will agree
We’re the biggest bunch of oddballs you could ever hope to see.

No family is perfect, there’s a black sheep in each flock –
Like the uncle with long eyelashes who likes to wear a frock,
Or the crafty wheeler-dealer always out to make a quid,
And the teenager who runs amok and won’t do what he’s bid.
The daughter who’s gone to the bad and now sports a fur coat –
All the usual scandals that let the neighbours gloat.

Eccentric Great Aunt Ada who keeps moggies by the score –
Filling every nook and cranny ‘til the house can hold no more,
Or nephew Bert – a cheery soul – drinks everything in sight,
That skinflint Great Niece Freda – another kind of tight!
Our second cousin (twice removed) – quite the Lothario,
Bothering the ladies even when they tell him “NO!”

There’s dozens more – my relatives – and what a motley crew!
But I can’t help feeling fond of them no matter what they do,
I might find them barmy and think some of them stark mad –
But, seen from their perspective, I’m probably just as bad,
And wouldn’t life be boring – oh what a crying shame –
Without a single loony with whom to share a name?

I feared that I would miss them when I wed and changed my name,
But it soon became apparent that the new lot were the same!
They made me very welcome and I soon felt quite at home
Among this new found family as oddball as my own,
Thank goodness for eccentrics – it really seems to me
That everyone should have a few stuck up their family tree!


(The author apologises for any similarity between the fictional characters in this poem and any living person – it was completely unintentional (well, except for in a few obvious cases!).

Enjoy!

26 hour day

Can someone invent one? I dont have enough time in the day to do all the stuff that the day demands I do. Its get up, drive to work, work, drive home, make vague attempt at housework, do evening type activities demanded by various bands etc, go to bed, get up, drive to work.... etc etc ad infinitum.
Then there is the weekend.
I have no idea where my time GOES but it goes somewhere. Maybe someone else is using it.

I want to eat here

Mmmmmm
I got it off this web site, which is fantastic!

Movie Night(s)

On Friday night I watched Final Destination 3. I didnt enjoy it as much as the other 2 because there were a lot less deaths by gory methods but it was still fun and had the odd "ooooo look what happened to him" moment.What WAS scary though was the fact that it began on a roller coaster. I cannot stand roller coasters. I went on one once and its that feeling you get when you go up and then almost stop and you know there is nothing you can do about the actual going down part- you can't get off, you just have to go. And I hate that "leaving your stomach behind" feeling as well. I am not anti fairground at all. I love a good fair, and I adore things that go round and round like Walzters and Cyclones and stuff like that. I just dont like steep drops from big heights. This seems like a reasonable attitude to me but other people can't believe I dont like roller coasters. They say things like "oh you are just scared of them, you baby". Yes I AM bloody scared of them - that's why I don't like them! :-)
Last night we watched Saw2. Again, not as good as the first one but good fun all the same. It was a bit too cleaned up and less psychological than the first one, but then when was a sequel ever better than the original film? I can't think of one that was. I can think of plenty that are much WORSE, but not better. And by the time you get to the third one, well, its alll gone south by that point.
Had KFC for dinner today, and a pint in the Bay Horse on the way back. Hopefully the people that have it at the moment manage to make a go of it because its a lovely pub (albeit at the bottom of a bloody great hill that you have to walk back up afterwards), the food is nice, its not dear, its not full of idiots (unless WE are in :-) ) and its convenient. Its been through a few changes of landlord over the years we have been going in it, so I am keeping my fingers crossed for the current lot.

Dead TV

No, not a horror film. Our telly died the other day (it was doing that thing where it flicked off and on and you "fix" it by hitting it with heavy objects in what you think are strategic, technical places) and so today we went to get a new one. After fruitless ventures in Comet and the like (look - I want a NORMAL telly. Not a ten feet wide plasma surround home cinema plex one.) we eventually roll up in Europe's biggest Asda (that's Wallmart to you American people. Its called Asda over here. God knows why). Anyway, we find a 29" NORMAL telly for £149! Wooooo. But they have none left in stock, according to slack jawed, six fingered assistant. Oh well, back on the telly buying road, thinks us. And on the way out we walk past a pile of the damn things just by the entrance! Back to the counter and we tell the assistant "You DO have them in stock. There is a mile high pile of them over there. Look!". Blank stares and twitching indecisevness abounds. Him Indoors gets cross and we go off to complain to the manager.
5 minutes later we are given a youth with a pallet truck (we can't keep him sadly) and we buy the damn thing.
Once its home, all joy is gone as we realise we have to actually find it room to live in as its WAY bigger than the old one, and more importantly - take everything out of the corner where the old one lived. AKA Cable central.
Surprisingly, it all just worked. Although the sound system is now homeless in a pile in the hall. At least we can have music through the pc until we find it a new home. I cannot be without music for very long.
And then I did some violent things in the garden, washed dishes, had a bath, read Darkside magazine and made a beef casserole. I haven't actually watched the damn thing yet. Will dig out goriest film I can find later and watch that!